Here’s a toast to all the lassies
And the mysteries they provide
From sultry stares
To well combed hairs
To those nights when I am so denied

For lads we all know this
When we stare into their eyes so deep
And with furtive glance
They keep us in our pants
With “I really just want to go to sleep”

Here’s a toast to the lassies
We must remember what ol’ burnsy spat
Suffer a’ her finger wags
An jis ignore the way she nags
God knows she’s worth a’ that!

For let us be honest lads 
what else would we do?
Whether she’s firm or she sags
We all know what she really wags
And what she can keep blue

Here’s a toast for the lassies
And all the time they waste
Here and there 
and everywhere
They never move in haste

And heaven forbid my lads
That we to a schedule we adhere
Control that vice
An follow burns’ advice
Or else as he says she will clip us in the ear

Here’s toast to the lassies
And all of the things that they complain
That we are never neat
Leave up the toilet seat
Are never sweet
That that other girl we greet
That like slobs we do eat
That we mistreat
Are filled with deceit
The strange things we excrete
The smells we secrete
Staring at that other girls teat
That we are effete
that all romance we aim to defeat!
Oh and we forgot the anniversary again…

But let us face it lads
From their head to toe to hem
Despite every fault 
We keep it in the vault
For we simply could not live without them

So here’s a toast to the lassies
And of this I am sincere
That when all is said and done
I can’t turn tail and run
I am glad that mine is here

Here’s a toast to all the lassies
And the mysteries they provide
From sultry stares
To well combed hairs
To those nights when I am so denied

For lads we all know this
When we stare into their eyes so deep
And with furtive glance
They keep us in our pants
With “I really just want to go to sleep”

Here’s a toast to the lassies
We must remember what ol’ burnsy spat
Suffer a’ her finger wags
An jis ignore the way she nags
God knows she’s worth a’ that!

For let us be honest lads 
what else would we do?
Whether she’s firm or she sags
We all know what she really wags
And what she can keep blue

Here’s a toast for the lassies
And all the time they waste
Here and there 
and everywhere
They never move in haste

And heaven forbid my lads
That we to a schedule we adhere
Control that vice
An follow burns’ advice
Or else as he says she will clip us in the ear

Here’s toast to the lassies
And all of the things that they complain
That we are never neat
Leave up the toilet seat
Are never sweet
That that other girl we greet
That like slobs we do eat
That we mistreat
Are filled with deceit
The strange things we excrete
The smells we secrete
Staring at that other girls teat
That we are effete
that all romance we aim to defeat!
Oh and we forgot the anniversary again…

But let us face it lads
From their head to toe to hem
Despite every fault 
We keep it in the vault
For we simply could not live without them

So here’s a toast to the lassies
And of this I am sincere
That when all is said and done
I can’t turn tail and run
I am glad that mine is here

Here’s a toast to all the lassies
And the mysteries they provide
From sultry stares
To well combed hairs
To those nights when I am so denied

For lads we all know this
When we stare into their eyes so deep
And with furtive glance
They keep us in our pants
With “I really just want to go to sleep”

Here’s a toast to the lassies
We must remember what ol’ burnsy spat
Suffer a’ her finger wags
An jis ignore the way she nags
God knows she’s worth a’ that!

For let us be honest lads 
what else would we do?
Whether she’s firm or she sags
We all know what she really wags
And what she can keep blue

Here’s a toast for the lassies
And all the time they waste
Here and there 
and everywhere
They never move in haste

And heaven forbid my lads
That we to a schedule we adhere
Control that vice
An follow burns’ advice
Or else as he says she will clip us in the ear

Here’s toast to the lassies
And all of the things that they complain
That we are never neat
Leave up the toilet seat
Are never sweet
That that other girl we greet
That like slobs we do eat
That we mistreat
Are filled with deceit
The strange things we excrete
The smells we secrete
Staring at that other girls teat
That we are effete
that all romance we aim to defeat!
Oh and we forgot the anniversary again…

But let us face it lads
From their head to toe to hem
Despite every fault 
We keep it in the vault
For we simply could not live without them

So here’s a toast to the lassies
And of this I am sincere
That when all is said and done
I can’t turn tail and run
I am glad that mine is here